Letter to a Friend

What can I say to help you with your grief? If there were magic words I could say or an act I could perform, I would. All I can do is be your friend and grieve with you.

Despite all the “be strong” and “be comforted,” I know that when I have lost a loved one, I want everything to stop. I want every phone to silence. I want everyone to mourn. Perhaps our emotions can be said in the poem by W.H. Auden.

Stop all the clocks, cut of the telephone
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone
Silence the pianos and with a muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead
Put crêpe bows round the white necks of the public doves

Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves

He was my North, my South, my East and West
My working week and my Sunday rest
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong

The stars are not wanted now, put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood
For nothing now can ever come to any good

Please know that I am here for you – to talk with you, to cry with you, to have Ben and Jerry’s ice cream with you . . . to be your friend.