bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2AM, too.
defense: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let the children play outside.
drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.
dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.
feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
full name: What you call your child when you're mad at him.
grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
look out!: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.
prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.
prepared childbirth: An oxymoron.
puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
show off: A child who is more talented than yours.
sterilize: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.
storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.
temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.
top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
two-minute warning: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.
verbal: Able to whine in words
weaker sex: The kind you have after the kids have worn you out.
whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.
whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."
-Courtesy of UCB Parents Jokes and Quotes